2011: A Cell Phone Odyssey

I’m not a big gadget guy, so having the latest and greatest in mobile connectivity has never been a priority. I’m not technologically averse; I just don’t tend to buy a lot of toys…or really, stuff in general.

That said, after my well-past-its-prime, 4-year old “feature” phone (i.e., it can text in the old school, hit the ‘3’ key four times to make an ‘f’ sort of way) drowned in a San Francisco rainstorm, I was using my wife’s old Motorola KRZR to get me by.

Yes, it's red.

After looking at how much Verizon was costing us each month, we decided to reassess our cell phone situation overall. We were ready…for smartphones.

First piece of advice: CHECK FOR COMPANY AND ORGANIZATION DISCOUNTS. I found out that by sheer virtue of me being employed at my company, I qualified for monthly discounts of 22% (Verizon and AT&T) and 18% (Sprint). There were some add-ons that didn’t qualify for that full % off, but most of the bill did. You can check the three carriers above by simply searching their websites for “corporate discounts”, entering your work email address, and having them send the deals right to your inbox.

If you know me, you know that some serious analysis was about to take place. With months of prior usage at my fingertips, I figured out the plans we needed. Most of our plan minutes on Verizon were calls to other Verizon phones (free on our plan), so we had to take that into consideration.

When it came down to it, Sprint’s plan of 1500 minutes and unlimited data and text was the most affordable. Plus, they offered a $125 credit PER LINE to port a number over to a Sprint smartphone. Verizon was about $30/month more expensive. AT&T was only slightly more expensive than Sprint per month, but their plan only includes 2 GB of data. I know that’s a lot, but I also don’t want to worry about overages when I’m stuck at an airport for 6 hours and decide to stream a movie.

We both got an EVO 4G. Huge display, runs Android, lots of cool features.


The drawbacks: the huge display comes on an equally huge phone. Even in my relatively large paws, the phone felt cumbersome. Also, the huge display uses huge amounts of juice. Imagine a Hummer with an 8-gallon gas tank.

Of course, those flaws are pardonable. Mostly, I was relieved to finally be done with all the research of plans and phones alike…or so I thought.

Because there was a fatal flaw: we couldn’t make calls in our own house.

Our coverage was bad enough that the first day I had the phone, I dropped a call 3 times in 5 minutes. Yikes. Things did not improve throughout the week.

Fortunately, Sprint has a 30-day guarantee during which you can cancel a contract and return equipment. Which is good, but dammit. It was time to shop again.

I wasn’t keen on AT&T’s data cap, nor Verizon’s extra $30/month. I saw that some AAA members had success getting a discount on T-Mobile, so in the spirit of leaving no stone unturned I gave them a call.

Turns out there is no AAA discount. The sales rep asked to check my employer…no dice. Finally, she asked about my wife’s company.

Hey! Turns out she gets a 10% discount.

Hey again! Turns out the plan we would consider is already on sale, bringing our total down further.

Hey hey hey! Turns out the day I called was the last day of a promotion: free myTouch 4G (their flagship phone at the moment, and Consumer Reports highest-rated smartphone) for new subscribers.


Because they offer a 30-day guarantee as well, I figured I had nothing to lose. I finally placed my order after my Sprint phone dropped my call a couple times (oh, irony).

We got the phones, and get much better coverage than before. Even if that changes, T-Mobile offers free Wi-Fi calling, which means we can make clear calls over our internet connection.

The phones is more compact and more gentle on the battery. I really, really like it. And T-Mobile’s customer service has been excellent—I’ve gotten a knowledgeable, competent person every single time I’ve called.

So, when it’s all said and done, don’t overlook T-Mobile as a potential carrier. Their reputation is mixed, but the negative impressions seem to be relegated to people who don’t use their services. Almost all the people who actually use T-Mobile seem very pleased. So far, so am I.

Why Your Drive to Work is Slow

Here are the results of my incredibly formal, ridiculously scientific survey as I waited for the light to turn green at 7:50 this morning. I was at a red light headed southbound on Nieman at Shawnee Mission Parkway.

Of the 22 cars heading westbound on Shawnee Mission Parkway during their green light, only 7 drivers (31.8%) were looking vaguely in the direction of the road. The rest were involved in playing with their phone, turning around to yell at their kids, putting on makeup, or turned around looking for something in the back seat.

Of the 8 cars turning from eastbound Shawnee Mission Parkway to northbound Nieman, 4 were looking at the road (50%), which is better, but still a bit alarming considering they were making a turn. One guy even pulled off the impressive smoking/playing with phone/greeting someone he knew in a passing car combo.

I know bitching about other drivers is trite and tired, but it really is bothersome to see how few eyes are actually kinda-sorta on the road at any given time.

How I Kept My Home Phone Number and Stopped Paying for a Landline

I had my home phone number for 11 years. It was actually my great-grandmother’s number for 30 years before that. I have a bit of an emotional attachment to that number, strange as that may sound. I didn’t want to surrender that number and let it disappear into the fiberoptic ether.

On the other hand, I rarely use my home phone. I stripped all the extras (caller ID and the like) long ago to minimize the cost, and even then I didn’t get any value out of it. The vast majority of calls I receive are from my parents (who immediately call my cell if I don’t answer) and people I don’t want to talk to. Also, I have an established cell phone number that I don't want to surrender either.

My solution (and yours, potentially)? Port my number.

I first looked at Google Voice. They will port your existing number for a one-time $20 fee, which is about the same as what I was paying one month of phone service. After that, it’s free—any call to my Google Voice number can be forwarded to the number(s) of my choosing.

The problem is that they only port wireless numbers – not landlines.

I looked at other internet-based services, some of which allowed landline porting. However, they also came with a monthly fee attached (usually $4-$10 per month) and/or forwarding and per minute charges.

Hmm.

Then, it hit me. I would port my number to a prepaid wireless account, then to Google Voice.

Success.

Here’s how I did it:

1. I checked my number on AT&T’s website to make sure it could be ported.

2. I went to Best Buy and bought the cheapest AT&T GoPhone I could find ($15).

3. I called Customer Service to activate the account, and let them know I wanted to port my number. They helped me get that rolling, though I had to put a minimum amount on the phone to allow porting (another $15). NOTE: you will need your existing home phone account number and billing info. It’s easiest if you have a statement handy.

4. They contacted my landline provider. I waited.

5. I monitored the status at the AT&T website. Once they contact your current carrier, they give you an anticipated porting date. Mine took just under a week.

6. Once it said my porting was complete, my prepaid still wasn’t ringing. I had to call AT&T to finalize it. They took care of it in about 10 minutes.

7. I immediately went to Google Voice and set up an account. Just pick a number. Any number. You won’t have it for long.

8. After establishing my account, I clicked on “edit/change number” and entered my prepaid account number info. It costs $20 to port your wireless number to Google Voice.

9. I got a message saying my prepaid account number wasn’t right. I figured my phone number was the same as my AT&T account number. Turns out it wasn’t.

10. I called AT&T and got my account number. He asked me why I needed it. I was honest. He still gave it to me.

11. Finished the porting process; I was told my number would be ported within 24 hours. It was.

12. I set up my voicemail, forwarding preferences, etc. Now any call to my home number rings to my cell, with caller ID. I also get transcripts of voicemails sent via text or email to the number I choose. It’s a slick setup, and once you get ported over it costs nothing.

Altogether, it cost me $15 for a new phone, $15 worth of prepaid service, and $20 to port to Google Voice. That’s $50, which in my book is a small price for being able to maintain my longtime number in perpetuity. For free.

Here are a couple additional tips:

1. Do not call your current landline provider. Your service will be cancelled automatically once your number is ported.

2. In retrospect, it would have been easier to do all the AT&T stuff online. Verify your number can be ported, then order the cheapest phone and the no-cost package (you’ll still need to put $15 of funds on the account). During the checkout process, you can select whether you want a new phone number or whether you want to bring an existing number over.

3. When you check out, make sure you write down your account number. You’ll need it when you move to Google Voice (you can always call and get it if you forget).

An Update on Dodge City Beef

A while back, I mentioned Dodge City Beef on this blog. At that time, they had just opened up a retail store at 11115 Johnson Drive in Shawnee, and they carried a line of responsibly raised beef from their family ranch in Kansas.



It's a year later, and the store has done quite well.

For starters, they carry an even wider array of beef. Their filet mignon, sirloins, and ground beef (over 90% lean!) have been joined by harder-to-find cuts like flank and skirt steak, along with at least 3 types of roasts. For the 'cue enthusiasts, they get a regular supply of briskets now too, though I would recommend calling ahead if it's any time near a major competition.

Also of interest is that they have taken on the products of other local ranchers with similar practices. They now carry whole chickens and a variety of pork including thick-cut chops, bacon, and shoulder. On my last visit, they even had some ground bison.

The chicken, pork, and bison come from neighboring ranches, so they are not supplied quite as often. If you're looking for something in particular, it's best to call in advance to make sure it's in stock. Heidi, who runs the store, is always willing to set something aside for you.

We buy all of our beef from there because we like the quality and knowing where our food comes from. If you're interested in that sort of thing, I'm sure you'll like their products as well.

They're open from Tuesday-Saturday, and their number is 913-499-0204. You can also like them on Facebook to be notified of special events and deals.

Kansas City and The United States of Tara

When we switched TV providers last year, one of the promos was the inclusion 3 months of HBO and Showtime for free.

It worked. We got hooked on shows from both networks.

We've been catching up on The United States of Tara ahead of its 3rd season premiere next Monday.



The show is about a suburban family of four. The wife (Tara) suffers from Disassociative Identity Disorder, which you probably know better as Multiple Personality Disorder.

There are at least 6 "alters" that have been introduced, each of which brings some semblance of levity, comic relief, or discomfort to the show's other characters.

One of the most striking things to me is that fact that the show is set in Overland Park. And the references are spot-on, both in terms of Kansas City and the Johnson County/suburban dynamic.

For example:

-The husband gets arrested, and the cops tell Tara that they're taking him to the County Jail over in Olathe.

-A creepy 27-year-old starts dating the teenage daughter, and he offers to buy her "a loft...in the Crossroads District."

-The teenage son (who is gay) and a friend drive to a park. The experienced friend wants to show the son how to cruise for sex. In an obvious reference to Penn Valley/Liberty Memorial, the son says, "Yeah, I've been there plenty of times, but just for school. You know it's the only dedicated World War I Museum in the country?"

-After Tara and the husband argue, the teenage son says he's keeping the house in the event of a divorce. He adds that he can't change schools because "Shawnee North has gangs."

(This one is especially true-to-life: when the Shawnee Mission School Board was going through their redistricting plans back in September, some students at one of the elementary schools that feeds SM Northwest High School were going to be reassigned to Shawnee Mission North. Parents went apeshit, going so far as to claim their property values would decline by 20% and ultimately cost the district money. It's funny because they're using typical suburban denial in lieu of admitting the real reason: more poor and minority students go to SM North, and that's scary to them.)

In trying to figure out how this came to be, I found an old article from Aaron Barnhart:

"We have someone working on the show who's from Overland Park, Kansas," said [show co-creator Diablo] Cody. "She said that everyone out there hangs out at the Ken-Taco-Hut."

That someone, Lindsey Allen-Springer, is the manager of development at DreamWorks TV, which is producing "United States of Tara" for Showtime. It was DreamWorks co-founder Steven Spielberg's idea for a comedy about a woman with DID, or dissociative identity disorder, that Cody developed into this series. Allen-Springer, originally of Olathe, is a 2002 graduate of K-State.

So there you go. If you have a chance, check out the show. It is alternately hilarious and heartbreaking, and always interesting.

How To Turn Someone Into a Control Freak

1. Promise a person you'll take care of something important.

2. Don't take care of said important thing.

Drunken Fish Sushi: A Detailed Account

A group of seven of us got together last night for a friend’s birthday dinner. The spot selected was Drunken Fish, the new outpost of the St. Louis-based trendy sushi restaurant. It’s located in the Power & Light District.

First, the opinion portion of the review:

The sushi was underwhelming. There was nothing wrong with it, but there was also nothing memorable about it. It’s probably a 4 on a 10-point scale.

It didn’t help that the wasabi was nearly flavorless and without heat. That is, except for one person’s plate; we sampled his green stuff and it had an almost-acceptable horseradish kick. I ate a huge glob of mine straight, and it was less pungent than fresh-ground black pepper. When we pointed out this discrepancy, our waitress explained that it depends on how much you mix into your soy sauce, as if we couldn’t comprehend the concept of dilution.

It was somewhat expensive, but probably not out of line with what you’d expect to pay at an establishment in your favorite KCMO-taxpayer-subsidized district.

The atmosphere was pretty noisy, and I think that’s by design. Places with drinks called the “Asian Fetish” and “Dirty Kimono” typically aren’t known for being relaxing. And that’s fine—it is what it is.

Now, the timetable portion of the review:

7:35pm We were seated.

7:40pm Drinks were ordered.

7:58pm Drinks were finally received.

8:05pm Our food order was finally taken.

8:30pm My blood sugar tumbles into negative integers and I become very crabby.

8:30:01pm My wife asks about our food.

8:35pm Our waitress says our food is on its way.

8:43pm A manager apologizes for our wait (finally) and says our food is on its way.

8:50pm Our waitress says our food is being plated and will be right out.

8:57pm Food finally arrives. We devour it quickly, thanks to hunger and our desire to get the hell out. Yeah…read on.

9:15pm We request our checks.

9:22pm We receive a round of Key Lime Pie shots from the manager as an apology. Um…okay, thanks, but we’re trying to leave.

9:31pm A birthday dessert is brought out for us to share. Thanks, but really? Now?

9:36pm Now it gets really bizarre. The waitress brings out COMMENT CARDS and jokes that you can use them to say “how awesome she was”. NOW she apologizes for everything taking so long, and this is their “soft opening”, and look over there—the general manager is making sushi, and we should come back for happy hour and their grand opening and all this other stuff. Also at this time, she delivers our checks, which we shove our cards in and immediately hand back.

9:51pm We are finally cashed out.

The first two timestamps are approximate within a few minutes (I had no reason to check my watch at that time). Everything else is actual time.

Really. Just check the intervals between some of those items and consider how long they really are.

A couple more things:

-“Soft opening” is bullshit. According to the Pitch's Fat City blog, they opened their doors 3 weeks ago. Also, this is the 4th Drunken Fish location—not some first-time restaurateur’s maiden voyage. They should be way better than this.

-Our waitress, while certainly not unpleasant, was somewhat…I think “tone-deaf” is the word. She never apologized during our painful wait for nourishment. Instead, after we sat foodless for quite some time (it was sometime after my blood sugar crash) she came over and asked how everyone was doing as if we were in the middle of our meal. Then the comment cards came out, and joking that we should say she was awesome when we clearly wanted to leave??? What would have been awesome would be to get our checks. There was just no empathy whatsoever; it was rather obvious that we hadn’t had a good experience and wanted to leave but she just never saw that.

-The staff was nice enough and meant well. The manager giving us shots wasn’t really what I wanted (especially at the time he gave them to us), but he was at least trying. And the water guy kept my glass full all night.

Bottom line? I was already a bit wary of a place whose spokesperson says, “It’s not just about eating sushi. It’s about the experience.” When the pedestrian Japanese fare is the best part of the “experience”, you’ve got a hell of a lot of work to do.

Apple in This Economy

Immediately below an article about how badly an extra quarter per gallon of gas will hurt the economy, I saw news that Apple sold close to 1 million iPad2s on the tablet's debut weekend.

The most stunning thing about the article is that 60% of these toys, which cost anywhere from $499 to $829, were bought by people WHO ALREADY OWN A 1st GENERATION iPAD.

These were released at similar prices LESS THAN A YEAR AGO.

Look, I think I have a pretty balanced attitude toward Apple products. They're well-designed, stylish, and capable machines.

They're also very expensive. My laptop (i5 processor, 500 GB hard drive, 4 GB RAM) cost the same as the LOWEST-PRICED iPad.

I'm really stunned that this many people are shelling out this kind of scratch for something that does some really cool things, but is an absolutely unnecessary indulgence for 95% of the people who buy it.

What stuns me even more is that Apple fanboys/fangirls will just lap up every new release that comes their way, never questioning why the company they revere intentionally withholds features and technology so they can get in their wallets all the more frequently.

The Southwest Rapid Rewards Kerfuffle

Earlier this week, Southwest Airlines announced changes to their popular loyalty/frequent flyer program, Rapid Rewards.

Based on the comments on their Facebook thread, it appears people are PISSED.

Here's how it used to work: Fly a one-way segment--any segment, whether it's Tampa-Seattle or KC-St. Louis--earn one credit. Get 16 credits, earn a free flight.

In other words, any 8 round trips within a two-year window earned you a free flight to and from any Southwest destination. They had rental car and hotel partners too (1/2 credit per stay/rental).

Under the new system, you earn points based on how much you spend. Similarly, the points can be redeemed like cash toward flights. It's just like a hotel rewards program. The cheaper the flight, the fewer points you earn (and the fewer points it costs).

People are not happy.

Here's my list of reasons, followed by why I think their consternation is misplaced:

1. They don't understand the rules. 'Nuff said. Kneejerk anger for the sake of anger.

2. They think they've changed the rules to make it much more difficult to earn a flight. This is a little true, but not worthy of outrage. On a dollar-for-dollar basis, it now takes 10 roundtrip flights to earn an equivalent free flight (instead of 8). Note I said "equivalent". That means you can't shuttle from Tampa to Ft. Lauderdale 8 times, then earn a free round trip to Portland, OR. You shuttle 10 times, then get your 11th shuttle (or equivalent) free.

Plus, your points never expire under the new system. A lot more people will be able to eventually earn a free flight now.

And by the way - at one point, I was traveling 3+ times a month for work. Granted, most of that was on Southwest, but to this day I have NEVER earned a ticket on another carrier. I don't see how a leisure traveler ever could do so.

3. They think they've drawn up the point structure to benefit business travelers. So what? Leisure travelers fail to recognize this: if people didn't travel for business, air travel as you know it would not exist. Period. So spare them your resentment. Businesspeople, especially those who frequently have to pay through the nose for short-notice fares, subsidize that $89 seat you bought to Las Vegas. And while you associate the airport with fun places like Sin City, they associate it with yet another week of being away from their family while they visit a construction site in Birmingham, AL. They are the only reason there are so many flights available at those fares. Forgive Southwest if they're trying to build loyalty with those who spend the most.

Here's the real reason for the anger.

They think Southwest has sold out.

Southwest has traditionally served smaller, regional airports like Dallas Love Field instead of DFW, and destinations like Louisville, KY instead of Boston, MA. Well, guess what? They serve Boston directly now. They're back in San Francisco, and they have a presence at NY LaGuardia and Newark--all expensive places. They're not the little airline that could anymore. They're a huge carrier, and the most profitable by far of US airlines. As recently as 5 years ago, they were the closest thing to a "populist" airline as there was: no first class, no preferential treatment, no option to pay more and get more.

Not anymore.

You can pay extra for "Business Select", which gets you on the plane first to avoid the cattle call (and gets you a free drink and extra rewards points).

You can pay $10 extra to upgrade to the "A" group.

Rewards flights, which used to be valid as long as there was a seat available on the plane, can only be used on flights that are less than half-full at the time of booking. Also, I think people are pissed that they can't use $800 worth of cheapass roundtrips to earn a transcontinental flight, even though that policy was kinda ridiculous for Southwest to even offer. You can't stay 10 nights at a Motel 6 to earn a free night at the Four Seasons, for crissakes.

And their fares? Not really all that cheap anymore when you compare them to others.

Yes, bags still fly free. And yes, their people are more laid back/fun/friendly than those on your average legacy character.

But everyday people are pissed because they thought Southwest was THEIR airline, on THEIR side.

Nope. Things done changed.

Why I'd Be Calling You From Jail

I'm a law-abiding citizen. A "standup guy", if you will.

My worst legal transgression is my habit of driving 5-7 mph over the speed limit.

I know what you're thinking: a real wild man, this guy. *eyeroll*

Well, I am what I am, and right now I'm an adult with a wife, a mortgage, a job, and a retirement account.

In other words, I've got shit to lose. Even if I have a stupid impulse (and these are more and more rare as I age), it only takes me a moment to consider the negative consequences of acting on it. Impulse purged.

Unless...something gets in the way of that purge. I don't worry about peer pressure, lust, any of that stuff.

Nope. I know myself pretty well, and the only thing that worries me is that someone will just royally piss me off / get my goat / push my buttons.

And I will pummel him.

Mind you, a single act is never enough to get me that angry. I will always present an opportunity to defuse the situation. Even a modicum of remorse, humanity, or explanation is enough to talk me down.

What am I getting at?

Today, I spent my lunch hour at Oak Park Mall shopping. As I left the mall, I noticed a car one aisle over swing into the parking spaces a bit aggressively.

Sure enough, the car pulled all the way through about 5 feet in front of me without looking.

I'm glad I saw it coming; even so, I had to slam on my brakes to avoid a collision. I laid on my horn as well. Yeah, I was kinda pissed. It was a really damn close call.

However, the whole thing could have been over quickly. If he had raised his hand and waved or given any acknowledgment whatsoever that could be construed as "my bad", I would have waved back, calmed down, and the situation would have been over.

Recognition. Apology. No escalation. Done.

The next best option would have been what usually happens in this type of scenario: Driver is embarrassed by own incompetence, puts head down, and hightails it away hoping no eye contact will happen.

No acknowledgment, so I would have stewed on it for a few minutes (again, it was really close) but I would have been over it by the time I sat through a traffic signal.

But no.

Bastard flipped ME off.

And I about lost it.

YOU messed up. YOU don't get to flip ME off!

My mind danced with visions of the furious beating I dreamed of laying on this asswipe. That middle finger of his was emboldened by the false sense of security his car provided.

After realizing that I was still right behind him, he got scared, cut through another gap in the parking lot, and ran a stop sign.

Right in front of a Sheriff's vehicle. He was pulled over immediately.

This isn't the first time karma has been repaid so swiftly. That calmed me down pretty quickly.

And I like to think that in any situation I'll calm down, no matter what fingers are raised, no matter what words are spoken.

But I acknowledge that one day, someone might say the wrong thing at the wrong time, and a lesson will be taught.

I doubt this will ever happen. But if you ever get a call from jail, and it's me on the other end of the line, just know that something like this will probably be the reason why.