Monday, March 30, 2009

The Angry Hour, Part One: Instant Catharsis

What follows is part one of my account of what happened between 5:05pm (when I left work) and 6:05pm (when I arrived at the softball complex).

I was heading down Quivira, which is like most other thru streets in southern JoCo—4 wide lanes, boulevard-style, with a median and a 45 mph speed limit. I was in the left lane going 45, and there was a 10-year-old well-worn white Cavalier in the right lane going about 35.

As my front bumper nearly pulled even with her rear bumper, she changed lanes right in front of me. No blinker, of course. I hit my brakes hard and laid on the horn, as I was no more than 3 feet from rear-ending her*.

*Sidebar-I think a pretty fair percentage of our population sucks at driving, but by FAR the most near-miss/life-flashing-before-my-eyes moments have come at the hands of girls under the age of, say, 21, specifically those driving older compact cars. Whereas most people who suck at driving err on the side of being tentative (which can be dangerous to others but is mostly just annoying), this subset makes horribly aggressive decisions, as if they just close their eyes and pray they don’t hit anything. Atrocious judgment.

Right hand glued to the phone on her right ear, she stuck her left hand out the window to flip ME off…and lost the cigarette she was smoking in the process. Strangely, she did this right before we both came to a stop at a red light, which means she flipped me off without understanding I would be right behind her in a stopped car.

So I was sitting there, just FUMING. You messed up, you nearly caused an accident, you weren’t paying attention, and you flipped ME off? Fantasies of decorating her shitty little car with a few impressions of my size 15s fluttered through my head. I swear I’m going to lose it some day. I can forgive bad driving, but I can’t forgive the lack of remorse. You need to learn a lesson, B.

Never has karma responded so quickly.

About ¼ mile later, while I was still right behind her, she moved into the left turn lane. In trying to look like hot shit, she swerved aggressively. She overcompensated and ran into the median HARD, losing a hubcap and definitely her alignment.

This, as you may imagine, received a very enthusiastic horn-blaring from me. I also let her know she’s number one.

Haha, you suck.

3 comments:

LC said...

Oh man, that is perfect!

hahaha

kcimprovgeek said...

Should I feel guilty for getting so much joy from your anger?

This one reminded me a quote I wrote down from one of my kids' rehearsals: "She's a woman and she has a mustache because she put out at prom."

JJSKCK said...

@LC - It's rarely perfect, but that incident definitely was.

@kcig - I got a good couple of stories out of it, so don't feel guilty. Live vicariously through my rage.
And arguing that "you'll grow a mustache" is not much more ridiculous than some of the crap purity parents spew.