Friday, December 12, 2008

Checkin' Out

We did a little shopping last night. We started at Off Broadway @ the Legends, where she had to exchange the boots I’d bought for her birthday for a ½ size larger pair. We then went to Old Navy because I needed a pair of khakis, and I’d had good luck finding a fit there in the past.

Sidebar: Finding clothes to fit me is hard as I am on the very precipice of the normal size range in EVERYTHING. I’m 6’4” with long arms, long torso, and big legs. Long-sleeved shirts nearly always have to be a “tall”, which generally means shopping in the big and tall section. However, I’m only an XL, whereas most of the big and tall stuff starts at 2XLT. In other words, the shirts that are long enough are usually too baggy.

Pants create a similar problem. In slacks and khakis, I am most commonly a 40x34. Sizes 38x34 and 40x32 are standard in almost every line, but almost NEVER a 40x34. I usually can’t come down to a 38 in slacks and khakis because of my legs ( jeans seem to work fine), but a 32 inseam often hits me short.

I won’t even start on the joys of having a size 15 shoe.

Later, at JCPenney, we had an odd interaction with the cashier. She was telling my girl that she liked the item my girl had decided not to purchase better than the one she did purchase and was extolling the virtues of it, all while sounding a bit like Mushmouth from Fat Albert.

Next stop: Target. The cashier was scanning the fat-free pumpkin pie flavored yogurt when she decided to drop some nutritional knowledge on our asses. I was speechless.

“This is flavored with aspartame, and that’s an artificial sweetener.”

Inner monologue: Um, yeah. We are aware.

“It’s worse than sugar and it’s a lot harder on your digestive system.”

Well, define “worse”. And yes, anything you eat would make your digestive system work harder than simple sugar.

“Sugar doesn’t have any fat in it…it has calories, but not fat, but sugar doesn’t make you fat, and if you work out you’ll burn it off anyway.”

I was tired, so I didn’t have a response immediately. I was a bit more stunned that the lady at Target carrying at least 100 lbs. too many had the nerve to tell us how to eat.

We thought of lots of suitable responses on the way out to the car, but here were the two things that we should have said:

A) Sugar doesn’t contain fat, but NOTHING WILL MAKE YOU FATTER THAN EATING SUGAR (and other simple carbs).

B) No offense intended, but I don’t take nutritional advice from anyone who is your size.

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