Royals Revisionism Part 2, or: How I Learned to Ignore Journey and Stop Believing

Part two of this two-part series is more depressing than the first, but in a way that kinda makes you laugh while shaking your head because you've seen this movie before.

Prediction: Second base will drop off from 2008.
Revised prediction: Yep.
Why: Alberto Callaspo has sprayed the ball around, with a lot more doubles than I expected. But he is an absolute BUTCHER in the field. Can’t run either.

Prediction: Shortstop will be marginally better than 2008.
Revised prediction: In defiance of all that is good and holy, somehow it’s not.
Why: Mike Aviles somehow (through Tony Pena, Jr. osmosis?) became, well, Tony Pena, Jr. My guess is that it was another mystery injury, because 27-year-old shortstop should not go from active roster to Tommy John surgery. Ever. TPJ is the worst hitter in the major leagues…last week he got his fifth hit of the season AND fifth error in the same game. The defense has been atrocious, and we’re not even talking about it because the hitting has been so abysmal.

Prediction: Third base will be marginally better than 2008.
Revised prediction: It is, but for all the wrong reasons.
Why: Mark Teahen has played there and been reasonably productive—moreso than Alex Gordon was last year. Of course, this is because Gordon is hurt again. Teahen will likely be traded, which means we will get to see if Gordon is going to make something of himself. I’m not holding my breath.

Prediction: The outfield will be marginally better than 2008.
Revised prediction: It’s not. It’s so, so not.
Why: Coco Crisp is hurt, but he was hitting .228 when he was lost for the season. He ran down all kinds of fly balls, but his arm was so ridiculously weak he makes Johnny Damon look like Jesse Barfield. I can throw harder lefthanded. I’m serious. Mitch Maier, his replacement, is not a major leaguer. Jose Guillen can’t move, still can’t get on base, and has lost his one attribute (power). David DeJesus leads the team in RBI. As the leadoff hitter, where he’s completely miscast. He’s adequate at best in left.

Stuff I couldn’t even have dreamed of predicting:

-The Royals would lose a game when a base hit barreled through a flock of birds in centerfield.

-The Royals, who purportedly wanted to work on plate discipline and drawing walks, still don’t have anyone with more than 29 walks. And that’s Coco Crisp, who has missed 44% of the team’s games. Miguel Olivo has walked 3 times. Three. In 228 plate appearances.

-The Royals, based on a Bill James statistic, have almost had the worst baserunning season since the statistic was first calculated. And it’s a cumulative stat, meaning the Royals have almost become the worst by the All-Star break. Anyone who has watched a game or two can vouch for this, and it’s not just a lack of speed—it’s boneheadedness (a force out at home from right field? Two people doubled off first base on fly outs? In the same game?)

-The Royals are a DREADFUL defensive team, leading the American League in unearned runs allowed (by a lot).

-The Royals once pinch hit Luis Hernandez for Tony Pena, Jr. Later in the game, they pinch hit Tug Hulett for Luis Hernandez. (None of these three should be on a major league roster; somehow the Royals stockpiled them all and are using them in strategic moves during real games.) Their slugging percentage--that's total bases divided by plate appearances--was .370. IF YOU ADDED THEM ALL TOGETHER. As of today, Albert Pujols' slugging percentage is .723. By himself.

-The Royals score no runs because they are a plodding, station-to-station team…who can’t even get to the first station, let alone drive someone in. They play bad defense. They make boneheaded mistakes.

-So they trade their top pitching prospect for a shortstop who can’t run, can’t get on base, can’t keep his head in the game, and can’t play defense.

Prediction: The Royals will finish 80-82.
Revised prediction: The Royals will finish 67-95.
Why: The Royals won 18 of their first 29 games, but it was smoke and mirrors (they weren’t scoring runs then either). And really, it could have been 21 of 29 if not for Farnsworth’s efforts. Yeah. The pitching, while certainly acceptable, came back to Earth. And no one can hit. Or field. Or, god forbid, score from second on a single. They’ve won 19 of their last 59—that’s less than one outta three. My guess is that the rest of the season won’t be THAT bad, but not much better. I predict a .400 winning percentage from here on out, hence my revised prediction.

They are last in the AL in runs scored. They are 10th worst (out of 14) in the AL in runs allowed.

They suck.

As usual.

Royals Revisionism Part 1, or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Watch Food Network

We’ve reached the All-Star Break in Major League Baseball, which is traditionally looked at as the halfway point in the season (though it’s a little past that). Since we're waist deep into this wretched, wretched season, it’s a good time to look back at my preseason prognosis for the 2009 Royals, which I wrote about here.

Prediction: Greinke will win 16 games with an ERA in the mid-threes.
Revised Prediction: Greinke will win 16 games with an ERA just under 3.00.
Why: Everyone knows about his remarkable start to the season. Over his last eight games, however, his ERA is 3.95. Nothing wrong with that, except that it’s only good enough for a 2-4 record with this bumbling Royals offense. Does anyone really see him winning more than 6 games in the second half? The huge start will probably keep his ERA under 3, but the Royals’ bats will cost him the Cy Young Award because Roy Halladay will likely have 20 wins when it’s all said and done.

Prediction: Starting pitching will be marginally better than in 2008.
Revised prediction: It’s about the same, even with Greinke’s performance.
Why: Gil Meche has been inconsistent, thanks in part to manager Trey Hillman’s passive-aggressive handling of him. Brian Bannister has been a pleasant surprise, but you never know when he’s going to go out and just get POUNDED. Luke Hochevar is erratic as can be. And the others (Davies, Ponson, Chen) are a joke at this point.

Prediction: Relief pitching will be marginally worse than 2008.
Revised prediction: It will be noticeably worse.
Why: In yet another medical mystery, Joakim Soria spent part of the year in arm soreness limbo. Hillman said Soria wasn’t hurt; then he said he was but was strategically keeping it a secret. He’s back and effective, but that’s where it ends. Kyle Farnsworth is a head case, and everyone else can become a gas can at any point. Juan Cruz especially hasn’t lived up to expectations. We pretty much have to pray for 8 innings and give it to Soria.

Now it gets ugly.

Prediction: Catchers 2009 = Catchers 2008.
Revised prediction: Yeah, pretty much.
Why: Miguel Olivo leads the team in home runs. He also has a .267 OBP because he’s never seen a pitch he didn’t like. He strikes out over 1/3 of the time he steps to the plate; this is because all you have to do is throw a slider that starts on the outside half of the plate and sweeps away. I’m serious—every damn time. He’s like freaking Pedro Cerrano from Major League*. John Buck is a Caucasian Olivo, the difference being Olivo has no glove and Buck has no arm.

*It’s really cool that Dennis Haysbert, who played Cerrano, went on to play President David Palmer in 24 and is now the Allstate spokesperson. It very bad drink Jobu’s rum.

Prediction: First base/DH will have significantly better numbers than 2008.
Revised prediction: Not so much.
Why: As Billy Butler starts to hit a bunch of doubles and show himself as a serviceable bat (NOT a #3 hitter), Jacobs basically hits every hundredth pitch about 6 miles. Seriously, these are TITANIC blasts; he just doesn’t get to many pitches. Neither of them has major-league skill in fielding, running, or baseball IQ.

I'll get to the rest of this lost season later.

Schlafly Brewmaster Dinner @ McCoy's

Last night, we went to the Schlafly Brewmaster Dinner at McCoy's. These dinners take place monthly; the premise is to enjoy the ways that beer and food can complement each other.

Those who didn’t attend missed out in a BIG way. We were thoroughly impressed by every dish and glass they put in front of us.

They closed the Foundry off to the public; the 60-or-so dinner attendees had the entire place to ourselves. We were fortunate enough to be seated at the “Brewmaster’s Table”. Steven Hale, the brewmaster at Schlafly, was highly informative and entertaining. Don’t believe me? Watch the video below to get your kilt and Karate Kid soundtrack fix. (Yes, he was wearing the kilt last night.)



The beers were all special-release-type brews. For the Kansas Citians among us, they would be analogous to Boulevard’s Smokestack series—big flavors, big bottles, big alcohol content. The first two beers (Biere de Garde and Grand Cru) came in at 7.5% and 9% respectively; the Tripel, Quadrupel, Barrel-Aged Imperial Stout and Oak-Aged Barleywine all carried double-digit ABVs. And yes, you could tell at the end of the night.

I had a hard time picking a favorite, because they were all nice representations of their respective styles. I think the winner at the end (for me, at least) was the Stout. Huge in flavor but not totally overwhelmed by the bourbon notes (which can ruin it for me). The rich chocolate flavors just amplified all that was good about the beer.

The food didn’t just complement the beer—it was delicious. This was a full-on six-course gourmet meal: seared salmon with blackberries; flatbread with prosciutto, gorgonzola and arugula; cassoulet with duck sausage; a flourless chocolate torte with caramel ice cream and sea salt brittle; and a dried fruit beggar’s purse made of phyllo. Add the beer pairings (which basically carry the punch and cost of wine), and the meal was an absolute steal at $40.

The only thing I would have changed would be to flip the order of the two dessert courses. The stout was so big on the palate that we lost some of the subtleties of the barleywine that came out afterward.

I would go on raving about this, but it’s easier to take a look at what I’m talking about. Go to McCoy's blog for photos, menus, course descriptions, beer descriptions, etc. Next month will be a Latin-themed dinner, followed by a barbecue/smoked beers theme in September.

McCoy's 12th Anniversary Dubbel, Plus a Good Read

We both had some work to do last night, but the last two weeks have been hectic and we really just wanted to have some beer.

What's a guy to do?

Go to the Foundry, of course. There's beer there, as you may know. What you may not know is that the Foundry also has WiFi.

Their 12th anniversary beer, an abbey-style dubbel was on tap. If you're a fan of the style, don't miss this one! It is superb. The caramelly finish will bring a smile to your face. But don't let the smoothness fool you--it packs a punch.

(Unfortunately, we just missed the aged release of their 11th anniversary Triple B...you snooze, you lose I guess.)


Totally unrelated, but Joe Posnanski wrote an article about Andy Roddick that's really about all of us who have ever aspired to be great. Long read, but totally worth it.

The Transition

Okay, I’m back from the DL, retroactive to June 27th. That was Moving Day.

And it was a hell of a weekend--highs and lows galore.

We’ll start on Saturday. The movers arrived a little after 8am. We answered their questions and gave them a little direction before I headed to QuikTrip to buy us all some hydration. You may recall that it was ridiculously hot and humid two Saturdays ago, and I was incredibly thankful that we made the decision to hire help. Of course, their job was made that much more difficult by Time Warner Cable's ineptitude because the movers couldn't get their truck into the driveway (they did not move the "temporary" cable they installed years ago during the internet installation debacle, instead clipping the one that wasn't in the way at all--another story for another time, but I just wanted to make the point that I hate Time Warner).

At 9:15am, I got a call from ReMax’s central operator saying an agent wanted to do a second showing on our house. I told them no because we were moving; I don’t know how impressive the house would look with all the doors open and boxes strewn all over. A few minutes later, MY agent called back and said we really need to show it because the party was REALLY interested. I asked if they could reschedule for late this afternoon. He’d let us know.

My mom called from the new house to let me know they’d delivered the washer and dryer (at the very end of the 2-hour window, of course). I called my agent back for an update; he said the potential buyers probably couldn’t reschedule, but they’re checking.

The movers loaded up the truck, and we found out all our stuff wouldn’t quite fit. It was a little disappointing, but not too big a deal—we’re moving all of 15 minutes away. Packing complete, I went to the new house while my fiancee cleaned the place up a bit in case the showing happened.

I directed the movers where to put things for a bit, then the Dish guy arrived. I have had Dish network for 5 years and LOVE it. The prices almost never change and I rarely have the reception issues the cable companies always try to scare you with. However, he said he couldn’t install it without running a wire all the way around the outside of the house. That didn’t sound too appealing; are you sure there isn’t another way?

I talked to my agent again, talked to my fiancee again. The agent said the buyers couldn’t make the afternoon showing…but they submitted an offer. Really? Wow. Put that over there. No, Dish guy, I’m not running a wire around the house I just bought. Baby, you don’t understand—I mean all the way around the back of the house. It’ll be ugly; even the tech is saying so. Yes, Mr. Agent, come on over to show me the offer. Okay; this looks pretty good, but I won’t make any decisions until after I eat because it’s 3pm and I haven’t eaten all day and I'm exhausted.

And that was just Saturday. Sunday was mostly unpacking and picking up a few more necessities from our now-former house. Seeing the place made us sad, because WE made that house what it is. There are so many memories there, and so much of our sweat equity there. The flooring, the garden…it was US. We cried a lot, wondering if we made too hasty of a decision.

Monday, I signed the contract on the old house at work. We close July 30th. I thought we’d have more time… I had to shut my office door when I was done because I broke down again.

Shortly after that I found out about Chris. I had to leave work. Then I got a voice mail from my agent, congratulating me because the buyers agreed to the minor changes in the counteroffer.

Everything was final. That hit both of us really hard. We know in our heads that we made a sound decision in every way. But the new place doesn’t feel like home yet. It feels like we’re living in someone else’s house. As a good friend put it, we need to buy some paint and head to IKEA soon (m.v. and Bull, get your order forms ready).

That said, we’re starting to adapt. It’s getting better. Yesterday, we walked out our front door…down an actual sidewalk…through a quiet, tree-lined neighborhood where people actually made eye contact AND smiled…to a nice, well-kept park.

That was a first for us. I think we can get used to that.

Chris Utter, 1975-2009

Well, I figured my first post this week was going to be about the move and how excited we are about our new place. It's not about that.

It's partially because we're having severely mixed emotions about that.

But mostly, it's because I lost a friend and classmate.

Christopher Allen Utter, 34, of Kansas City, KS, died Saturday, June 27, 2009. Graveside Services will be 10:00 A.M. Thursday, July 2, at Chapel Hill Memorial Gardens. Friends may call 5-8:00 P.M. Wednesday at the Porter Funeral Home, 1835 Minnesota Ave., Kansas City, KS. Memorial contributions may be made to Wayside Waifs, 3901 Martha Truman Rd., Kansas City, MO 64137. Christopher was born February 18, 1975, in Kansas City, KS. He was a Funding Coordinator for Advacare Medical Equipment. Christopher had a huge part in the softball community in the Kansas City area. He is survived by his wife, Nicolette C. Utter, mother and step-father Debra and Howard Swafford, grandmothers Erma Leach, Maxine Swafford, sister Stacy and her husband Troy Ray, step-sister Angel Simpson, step-brother Joel Swafford, niece Jesslyn Buie, nephews Frank Buie, Donovan Christopher Buie, and Wesly Allen Butler, and his 3 furry cats: Al, Josie, and Cleo. Condolences may be expressed at: www.porterfuneralhome.com. Arrangements: Porter Funeral Home & Crematory, 1835 Minnesota Ave., Kansas City, KS; (913) 621-6400.

Chris Utter was big, kind, funny, strong as an ox, and one of the most well-liked people in my class.

He was a tremendous athlete, somehow managing to participate in baseball AND track even though they happened concurrently.

He was sort of quiet, but in that mischievous way that always made you feel like he was one step or one joke ahead of you.

He drank from 2-liter bottles of Dr. Pepper with the label ripped off (to use the coupon that was perpetually stamped on the side).

He was friendly to everyone, not just those who enhanced his social status.

I'm still trying to get my head around this, especially the circumstances under which he died. It makes no sense to me. I simply don't understand.

May you rest in peace, Chris.

Live Music Galore

I've been looking around at listings, and HOLY CRAP is there a lot of music happening tomorrow night.

The Gaslights and American Catastrophe at Davey's.

Cherry Tree Parade, 68 Comeback, and Softee (featuring Tantrum fan Sarah Anderson) at the Brick.

Jackie Greene at Crosstown Station.

Nas and Damian (Jr. Gong) Marley, which is now at the BEAUMONT.

Little Brazil, Audiovox, and Mr. History at Czar Bar.

Summer Breeze (a '70s and '80s Yacht Rock Tribute) at recordBar. This is also drummer Billy Brimblecom and wife Allie's farewell to Kansas City show; they're moving to Nashville. I caught them last time, and I guarantee you will enjoy it.

And there's some Stevie Wonder guy at Starlight.

Add in the Lenexa BBQ Battle, and we've got ourselves an embarrassment of riches.

Here's hoping there are enough fans to go around.

(Sorry, no links. I'm lazy today.)

Midwest Airlines' Death Rattle? (updated)

I got an email from Southwest Airlines today: they are adding service to Milwaukee. This is not good news for Midwest Airlines, which at one time was KCI's second-largest carrier.

Starting November 1, you can fly non-stop on Southwest to Milwaukee’s Mitchell International from six destinations: Kansas City, Baltimore, Tampa, Las Vegas, Orlando, and Phoenix.

Midwest Airlines, which is based in Milwaukee, flies these same routes non-stop (with the exception of Baltimore). With more direct competition on these routes, Midwest will almost surely be forced to cut prices.





Additionally, Southwest already serves nearly every major airport served by Midwest--plus dozens more. This means competition on nearly every route Midwest flies out of Milwaukee.

Now factor in that Midwest has struggled mightily over the last few years, cutting a huge percentage of its capacity systemwide. Kansas City almost looked like a second hub for them not long ago; now there’s slim pickens for flights.

Southwest is in a very strong position considering their history of profitability (a few recent quarters aside), and they are poised to play the role of bully. More and more airport gates are vacant, meaning Southwest can fill them at a discount. Let's face it: Southwest is about the airline capable of adding capacity, which gives them incredible leverage.

The trump card for Midwest, of course, used to be the actual flying experience. Their Boeing 707s were configured with extra-wide, extra-comfortable 2x2 seating instead of the standard 2x3 you’d find on other carriers' 707s. Basically the whole plane was like a first class cabin. The scent of freshly baked cookies wafted through the cabin, and you used to even get a flute of champagne. And the food was free…and really damn good.

As costs increased, the wide seats, champagne, and free meals disappeared. All that is left are the cookies, and they simply aren’t enough to pull me away from another, less expensive carrier with more flight options.

It looks to me like Midwest’s days are numbered. I’ll remember them fondly.

UPDATE (/nod m.v.):

Midwest Airlines Sold

Jon Byman
MILWAUKEE - Milwaukee will no longer have a hometown airline if the planned sale of Midwest Airlines to Republic Airways goes through.
Republic announced Tuesday its intention to buy Midwest.

MORE...

Boulevard Tour

Last Saturday, we took our first tour of Boulevard Brewing Company.

Yes, our first.

How can someone who a) has lived in Kansas City his whole life, and b) loves beer have just taken his first tour?

It comes down to two things. The first (and smaller) reason is that I don't tend to enjoy drinking in the afternoon. Free beer samples are a rather attractive carrot to dangle, and it's the reason the tours tend to be booked so far in advance.

And that's the real reason this was our first tour--we booked on March 23rd. The first Saturday time available was June 13th. Yep, nearly 3 months later.

[We asked if there was a way around this (there is) so we filed that away for future reference.]

The tour was informative, and our guide was very enthusiastic about the product. It is, by far, the cleanest brewery I've ever toured. It was spotless, which takes some diligence when practicing such a potentially messy craft.

For those who keep up with such things: There were oak barrels aging in one room, and they were labeled "6th" (new batch of BBQ, perhaps?), "RED", "Rye", and "Imperial Stout". I can only guess these will be the next special-release Smokestacks.

We got to see the original brewery before being led across the parking lot to the expansion. Great architectural details, and the employee bar and event room lend a nice view of downtown. The bottling line was operating (rare for a Saturday), which was very impressive to watch. Overall, I was thoroughly impressed with the facilities.

After about 40 minutes, we returned to the sample room. I've always heard about the brewers' experimental beers showing up on tap there, so I was hoping for some sort of whiskey porter or imperial red or something. No such luck. The only unreleased beer on tap was Tank 7. It's a dry-hopped Belgian golden ale, which makes for a bold and unusual mix of flavors. I like Belgians, and I like hops, but I didn't care for this particular blend.

That is where I'm at with Boulevard overall. I want so badly to love their beer, but I find it all to be just okay. They don't do anything poorly, but there's nothing that strikes me as great either. I can't remember the last time I bought a six-pack of Boulevard, because there's always something else I'd rather have. I've dutifully bought all the Smokestack beers (regular and seasonal), and I've enjoyed them--but I damn well better for $8 to $15 per bottle.

I know this isn't a popular opinion in Kansas City. I wish I felt differently.

WTF, KCMO?

So the Pitch reports that the KCMO city council has voted to spend $500,000 to fund a study as to the viability/need for a "convention" hotel.

Apparently the answer to having too many vacant hotel rooms is to build more hotel rooms.

David Martin articulates this far better and more factually than I ever could, but I have to ask:

WTF are you thinking?

You are borderline BANKRUPT as a city, slashing jobs by the hundreds, and you do not have emergency provisions for the economic disaster that is the Power & Light district written into next year's budget.

And you're going to spend half a mil for someone to tell you what you want to hear--that you need a 1,055 room hotel or else the Unified Funeral Directors of America are taking their caskets to Jacksonville? Because you ALREADY KNOW that's what they're going to say!

And once you get this news, how exactly are you going to try to fund this hotel? You're broke. You have nothing left to tax.

Learn from your mistakes for once. Hell, do something--ANYTHING--right for once.